“He’s out far enough isn’t he!” noted concerned onlooker Saul Morgan as Jesus’s long strokes beckoned the vastness that lay beyond (according to Allan Sharman) Saul’s fast diminishing eye sight. Although any ordinary person could clearly see that Jesus was simply fielding a sprayed off-drive by Roger Sefton, the exact whereabouts of Jesus was completely lost on Morgan as he immediately leapt into comparisons between Jesus’s current paddle and Australian Test cricketers Andrew Symonds and Mathew Hayden’s heroic 49km struggle for survival after their boat capsized off Queensland’s North Stradboke Island in 1999.
Morgan, who has a propensity for the sensational, was completely vindicated however as what happened next shocked the happy beach crowd, saw Sefton’s off stump shattered by a stinging Hollywood delivery and evoked a wave of interest from a crowd of young Korean girls who all pointed their up-to-the-minute digital cameras at the inspiring seven foot Australian staging his own city to surf.
As Hollywood completed an electrifying spell of bowling by getting the tennis ball to move away from the right handed David “Speedo” Patterson, Jesus continued to power towards the horizon. Patterson, who was good enough to nick the ball, was at the same time also rather unfortunate in this matter as he watched it fall into the safe hands of Carl “J Lo” Stephens who promptly dismissed him as well you may when you are as a big as J Lo and happen to be presiding over the stumps with your shirt off. In either case Patterson’s dismissal saw drinks called and none too soon really given that Wazza was developing a noticably deep burn.
So Heinekens in hand and a chance spot of shade the lads stood amazed as Jesus rounded a buoy somewhere off the coast of Iceland and showing no signs of tiring chartered a course for Morocco. Jesus no doubt thought the boys would be impressed by his endurance feats, as he hoped would a particular young Briton girl that he had cast his eye on in true holiday spirit. It didn’t matter though how far Jesus swam because he would never be credited with the accomplishment. Anybody who was at the beach that day would tell you that he should have been playing cricket and that swimming to Morocco was, although a spectacular feat of human endurance, really quite ridiculous. Coincidentally all batsmen began targeting the fielding space where Jesus would have otherwise been standing.
A failed bid to set the beach rescue team on Jesus saw a sudden drop of interest in what he was doing and by the time the Tiger’s star ruckmen exited the water most of the crowd had dispersed and headed for the showers and a few ice teas at the bar.
A single member had stuck around to work on his moon tan did happen to see Jesus wash ashore. It was reported that Jesus, although disappointed, still seemed pretty happy with himself and would probably have swum back out if he knew anyone had been watching.
All the same he went for another swim that night – shorts off.