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Welcome to TAP OUTS for 2010

Welcome to the first edition of ‘Tap Outs’, a new part of the Thailand Tigers website for season 2010. This page will feature news, views, and gossip relating to members & players of the club, plus their wives, partners and anyone else this author deems worthy of a mention.

As I am not a professional journalist, and working under the banner of anonymity, I won’t hold myself to any code of ethics, and you may find the majority of stories in this page are largely rumor and innuendo without any fact-checking. Too bad I say,. “Where there’s smoke...”. So if you are spotted down Nana Plaza with a very well endowed stripper, then you could grace the headlines of these pages.

However I will also endeavour to promote stories of a positive nature. So please send through any tid-bits of information or gossip you may have for broadcast within the club, or if you just want to basically rubbish someone. Email address –

And on this note we kick off ‘Tap outs’ for 2010..

* In disturbing news from the Australian capital, Michael Sammons’ recent return home hasn’t been as fruitful with the ladies as he had hoped. Whilst living in Bangkok, ‘Sammo’ had the reputation as one of the finer ‘swordsmen’ in town, regularly carving-up women of all nationalities and persuasions. However it appears that he doesn’t have quite the same pull back home, where it was recently reported that a “M. Sammons of Canberra” was arrested and charged for soliciting himself for “$2.50 or nearest offer”. Sammo’s mug shot providing a glimpse into his dramatic fall from grace.

* All involved at the Thailand Tigers welcome the exciting news that former president and goal-kicking champ Ryan ‘Rhino’ Collett and his wife Kath (nee Pace) are expecting their first child later this year. Ryan and Kath moved back to Melbourne last year after 3 years in Bangkok, and everyone at the Thaigers I’m sure is thrilled for them both and wish them the very best in starting a family soon.

* Another recent departure from the Thaigers fold, Allan ‘Hollywood’ Sharman has recently broken the record in China for most Facebook status changes. Hollywood as we all know is a lover of this internet medium, however despite several bans in his newly adopted country, and an estimated 300 million facebook account users, Hollywood earned the record by ticking over his 400th status update for the month of January, 2010. All the usual classics were there to be seen involving his love of 80’s nostalgia, but the highlight was a clever play on words linking the movie sensation ‘Avatar’ to 80’s rock legend ‘Pat Benetar’. His initial response to this gag didn’t generate the applause he thought it warranted, so he ran it again 3 days later. Nice work Hollywood.

* In other related ‘Hollywood’ news, The Allan & Ange reunion tour kicks off next weekend, Feb 12th. Stay tuned for details of events (or consult your cricket schedule for viewing times and drinking sessions).

* Not straying too far from the Tasmanian crew, club icon Mango has announced he is also set to depart Bangkok, for the dusty plains of Tanzania (WTF??). Recently reunited with Trish, the happy couple have taken up teaching positions to fill in time around Mango’s appointment of AFL talent scout for the area. Apparently to lure Mango over there, his contract stipulates that he is not allowed to be thrown out of, or banned from any licensed premises, and a satellite tuned to the Aussie Network is to be erected in a pub that serves cheap Heineken. Hopefully we can get one more ANZAC game out of the past ‘Chicken Smallhorn’ recipient before he leaves for the African nation?

* Last weekends International friendly against the Thailand Gaelic Club saw the return to action of Tigers stalwart Mark ‘Ralphy’ Armsden. Ralphy had the year off last year to recover from several injuries arising from his light frame being knocked around too much. Coach ‘Speedo’ Paterson, fearing losing Ralphy from the game altogether, ordered him to “bulk up a bit” over the pre-season. So it was a warming sight on Saturday to see Ralphy had taken onboard the coaches instructions, and after several months apparently in hard training at the Black Swan Pub and Gymnasium, Ralphy was back to his best displaying a more robust physical appearance. Holding down the goal-keepers position flawlessly, he also showed a bit of flair with the round ball, delivering beautiful passes to teammates all day. This came as no surprise to one observer (who didn’t want to be named so gave the alias ‘noodles’) who told this reporter that Ralphy was a pretty hot round ball talent back in his fruiterer days working in the Queen Vic Markets.

* And finally, The Tiger vs The Ghost watch. (A new feature devoted to scoring the appearances of Brendon ‘Tiger’ Mayne and Dan ‘Ghost’ Dunlevie. Both who continually sign up for everything and yet appear at nothing).



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