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Blues Recruit Jesus:
24th February 2007
Bangkok -

Once a week a few good men make their way to Benjakiri Park, by the Queen Sirikit Convention Centre. These men claim to be fit. Once a week a man they know only as “Wagga” puts that to the test.


Some of the Tiger’s best have been pushed to the limits of their physical abilities by Wagga, a hard nosed, irate dictator masquerading as a personal trainer who occasionally sits at a desk in an office.

In a stunning coup for the Bangkok Blues yesterday they announced the signing of prized Western Australian recruit Jesus. A Perth native, Jesus predicted some exciting times ahead for not only the Blues but also the international side as a product of his arrival, reports having it that he arrived by skateboard sized up his new allies and simply said “I’m here, let’s win the Asian champs!”

Jesus arrived on a skateboard.

A beleaguered reds outfit was ruing the current drafting policy, effectively leaving their hands tied as Blues captain Alan “Yoda” Sutherland quickly swooped on the six foot four Jesus, immediately announcing his availability and naming the big man in the ruck.

Jesus was named in the ruck.

Eager to keep up the impetus Jesus predicted that he would be best on ground in his first match since high school and became an instant hit by following this up with comments of increasingly less restraint. With his audience thirsty for more Jesus went on to suggest that past failures in big games were now forgiven and to reward his newfound apostles’ faith he even let them ride his skateboard.

Jesus forgives us.

On the field Jesus certainly let his actions do the talking. A dangerous accomplice for incumbent blues stars Viv Da Ros and Everett, Jesus did everything bar walk on water as he confidently led the blues to victory, performed miracles at numerous contests and played out the last ten minutes in bare feet just to prove how well he was traveling.

Despite playing arguably the greatest game in national history Sutherland suggested that Jesus was “just all right” in an attempt to water down the hysteria surrounding his new star. With international fame imminent however, Jesus looks set to become a boon marketing vehicle for a side in desperate need of a franchise player - especially now that Greg “Grizzly” Mellor has been placed on the long term injury list.

Jesus went all right.

Staunch tigers clubman Tim “noodles” Moore described Jesus as the right man to lead the Thailand Tigers out of the Asian football wilderness, saying “It was his first game in a long time and I thought he went quite well…..I had a beer with him after the game and he’s a nice bloke too. He paid his membership fees and he is a nice bloke.”

Jesus pays his membership fees.

The Red’s Allan “Hollywood” Sharman was much more optimistic about the impact of his new domestic rival, suggesting he could be bigger .than The Beatles: “He is awesome, he is a gun. I’m agun, Jesus is a gun…how much are people going to get around us?”

Jesus is awesome.

“They have a lot of work to do if they want to stop him!” said a euphoric Benny “Mango” Will immediately after embracing the hugely talented Jesus at full time.

“I had a good look at him (Jesus) before the game and was keen on it (him playing). Look how good he was!” When pressed for further comment Will said “I don’t go to church but at least now I believe in Jesus. I had a good look at it (the centre square) before the game and was keen on it (him playing there)!”

How good was Jesus?

With Jesus on board and his new team mates right behind him it looks like the Blues camp really is the place to be in 2007



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